2 Minutes on Landon Donovan aka Landinho

MoneyDown:
Landon Donovan is an extremely frustrating player to root for. You can just sense his natural talent is just on the verge of bubbling over, and there are what sports fans and commentators like to call “moments of brilliance”, but ultimately, he just does not have the confidence to get over the hump. I see now why we call him a pussy. Like Kobe or MJ, he struggles between the “get your teammates involved” method and “take over a game when you have to” method. Unlike MJ or Kobe, he never figured out how to find the middle ground between the two. He always seems to pass the ball off when he should go for it himself, you can practically see a thought bubble over his head with the words “I gotta be a team player, cause it’s not cool to be a ball hog.”

DoNoUhOh:
Seeing that photo of Landinho breaking Ashley Cole's ankle and jeopardizing Cole's World Cup changed everything. All of a sudden Landon wasn't a huge gaping pussy, afraid of Europe and the rigor of top competition. Unfortunately, I don't think he'll extend his stay. I think he'll return to the comfort of MLS and the fair weather of SoCal. And then I'll hate him again. But until then he is making me proud. See even I, full of irrational and random hatred for so many worthy athletes, am at least temporarily converted by Landinho the great American hope other than Charlie Davies and Tim Howard who remain infinitely more badass than Landon Donovan ever will be.

HighTimeForCrime:
You ever not like someone just cuz of how they look? Well that's me with Landon Donovan.

Will Soccer Ever Catch On In The U.S.

We're soccer fans here at Drink Your Tough Juice. Its a badass sport and its how some of us first met. Back in the day when we were 8 years old, wearing jerseys that were five sizes too big, falling down when we kicked the ball and accidentally bighting future roommates. Now we know some boys going pro and what we really want to know is will our superior entourage skills be translated into millions of dollars and lots of hot castoff. Will soccer ever catch on in the US (in two minutes)?

by DoNoUhOh

It is hard to believe that soccer won’t catch on in the US but then again its hard to believe that soccer hasn’t caught on yet. There are many theories as to why related to the lower scoring games, a misunderstanding of the subtleties of the game and a general distaste for a truly international game. However, the US would seem to be the perfect place for soccer simply because it is a global nation. No country better represents the entire world than the United States.

by Meast

(dictated) Soccer. The most popular sport in the world...except in America. Will it ever catch on? My guess is no. My reason? Feet. We Americans only like sports that use hands. The feet are for walking and running. That's why we have to create the word soccer. We already had football. Where we use our hands.

2 minutes on if soccer will ever catch on in the US
by HighTimeForCrime
Soccer is a team sport. The US is an individualist country. That’s at the social level.
Look at the biggest superstars, playing in “team” sports. Lebron James. Michael Vick, may hungry dogs eat his soul.
There’s not enough “action”, enough face value entertainment for soccer to be popular in America.

George Gelnovatch

2 minutes on the ever notorious George Gelnovatch, head coach of soccer at the University of Virginia:

George Gelnovatch is the worst coach in the entire world. He ruins careers and ruins seasons. It is unclear whether or not he is evil although those in the know feel he isn’t. He is simply stupid and selfish. Not a great combo. He thinks about himself before the boys he’s supposed to be leading and teaching. He takes a beautiful game and turns it into something it was never meant to be. He is a travesty, a disappointment, a piece of shit. And he is nearly all powerful in the lives of those he rules. There is no justice.

2 minutes on George Gelnovatch
George. Is an idiot. He inherits arguably the most storied college soccer franchise of the early 90’s, and all he has to show for it is 2 NCAA final four appearances- well one of those was the year after Bruce Arena left, so they were still very much his players.
Speaking of which, I saw Bruce at the gym the other day. Didn’t say anything. I don’t think he knows me.