Kelvin Samspon

Today we take a look at someone some of you may know. His name is Kelvin Sampson, not to be confused with Sampson from Half Baked. He has had an illustrious coaching career since 1979 going from the NAIA to D1 schools Washington State, Oklahoma and Indiana. He has even served as President of the NABC, forming the Ethics Committee during his tenure. A pretty stand up guy. Except for his penchant for violating NCAA rules, operating with no ethics whatsoever in the recruitment of Eric Gordon and being run out of town on two occasions for general sketchiness. So two minutes on that:

2 minutes on Kelvin Sampson
by HighTimeForCrime
Was anyone really surprised that Sampson got fired from Indiana for violating NCAA regulations regarding contact with recruits? In fact…isn’t that the same exact reason Oklahoma let him go.
I think he’s an excellent coach, but you can’t have someone with that kind of shitty character leading a bunch of, not men, but teenagers. College basketball players might look like they’re full grown, but emotionally and mentally, the coaches need to be there to guide them through life as well as the playbook.
How can you expect a man with such a disregard for regulations to be able to guide a group of young men.

Kelvin Sampson

by DoNoUhOh

He is a good example of a total piece of shit. Many college coaches are. Rich Rodriguez is another example. I think he is disgusting. I always hate it when college coaches walk out on their teams. I mean these are people who promised 18 year old kids the world. Yeah its business and the kids know that but do they really know that? When you’re 18 do you really understand that your coach doesn’t actually care about you? And then Rich Rodriguez gets mad when WVU tries to hold him to his contract which stipulated a 4 million dollar buyout? What did he think was gonna happen? He disgusts me. So does Bobby Petrino. So does Kelvin Sampson who I used to like. Its just the corrupt nature of NCAA.

Detlef Schrempf

Young Detlef was well known for his flat top haircut and his whiteness. The truth is he should have been known for looking like a wimpy Drago. And his three point shooting and general euro big manness. Meaning he was a bit of a pansy but highly skilled. Of course if all of the above weren't quite true would anyone remember? Here's the two minutes:

2 minutes on Detlef Shrempf
by HightimeForCrime
Isn’t it kinda weird to think that just a shade over a decade ago the Sonics were in the finals. Payton and Kemp were nasty. Shawn Kemp then gained about 100 pounds and fathered several children. Oh reign man, you silly bastard.

2 minutes on Detlef Schrempf

by DoNoUhOh

What an awesome European dude. At least I think he was European. I’m not really sure. I don’t know much about him other than that he was white and badass. And that he was unbelievable in NBA Live 96 or 97 or sometime back in the day of the Sonics not sucking. Those were the days before the evils of Clay Bennet. What is happening in Seattle right now is a travesty and that’s that.

Eddie Jordan

Edward Montgomery Jordan was born 53 years ago and has been getting mistaken for Terrence Howard for at least half of those years. We here at Drink Your Tough Juice do not make that mistake. We respect Terrence Howard's acting ability but he's no Eddie Jordan, and that's a fact. To give Eddie his proper non Terrence Howard due we have devoted two minutes to the fearless coach of the Wizards of Washington (that actually has a nicer ring to it than Washington Wizards I think, maybe we should make a bizarro name change like the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim):

2 minutes on Eddie Jordan
by HighTimeForCrime
Now I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I love Eddie Jordan. It’s a DC native coaching the District’s most successful sports franchise (not counting DC United). That’s how it should be. It’s not about the money, and It’s not about the glory of coaching in the game.
The man is at home, the crowd loves him. Aside from that, he’s the longest tenured coach in the Eastern conference. Do you remember a couple years ago when every coach in the Eastern Conference got fired? Not Eddie.

by DoNoUhOH

Eddie Jordan has been something of a savior to the franchise formerly known as the Washington Bullets. He brought us back to the playoffs for the first time in years and we actually won a playoff series for the first time in my living memory. And now we are a consistent playoff threat, although stuck in the second tier in the Leastern Conference. That being said I’ve had my doubts about him. I guess I was getting greedy. I thought our defense was too awful, because apparently he doesn’t know what defense is, and that we weren’t quite as good as we should’ve been. To me that’s a sign of a coaching problem. But this year is different. This year we have overachieved in light of all our injuries. This year I would put him in the talk for coach of the year despite our mediocre record just for making the players believe they could win even in the face mounting injuries.

Alex Ovechkin

Alex Ovechkin is the pride and joy of the Washington Capitals. It's really too bad that nobody cares about hockey anymore. Such is life:

by DoNoUhOh

I gotta admit that I’m not much of a hockey fan. I know what I know from sportscenter and espn.com headlines and that’s about it. I know more players from the NHL in 96 thanks to my favorite video game than I know players from today. But Alex Ovechkin is the man and I want to go see him play. He’s a once in a generation type whose greatness transcends the sport he plays. Sidney Crosby gets more hype but Ovechkin is the 60 goal man. Ovechkin is the human highlight reel of hockey. Just ask that sliding past the goal on your back, use the shaft of your stick, amazing goal from last season.

2 minutes on Alex Ovechkin

by HighTimeForCrime
Ovechkin lives right around the corner and a block down from Jason. He moved in I think our senior year of high school. Since he had just gotten drafted, we knew he prolly didn’t know anyone in town. That was phenomenal too, cuz that’s when we started boozing. We shoulda gotten fucked up with him.

Candace Parker

Candace Parker, women's bball player extraordinaire, the first Candace Parker who will inspires all the nexts and most importantly the only woman's basketball related person who we would ever devote two minutes to:

by DoNoUhOh

Did you see what Candace Parker did today? She dislocated her shoulder. It looked a lot like Dwyane Wade’s dislocation last year. That sucks. In the Elite Eight. That’s heartbreaking. And then she came back into the game. What? For real? What the fuck? That’s just insanity. That’s toughness on another level. Consider my mind boggled. And then she got bumped and it hurt and she had to leave the game again. Oh there ya go. It’s a bad shoulder. She shouldn’t have been out there. Until she came back again to play in the second half with a brace. She made free throws. Crazy.

2 minutes on Candace Parker
by HighTimeForCrime
Candace Parker is hot. I mean she’s like sexy hot. Long and lean, right. She gets down
She’s also pretty sick on the basketball pitch. She’s got like actual basketball moves. Women’s bball is like so damn boxy and rigid. She plays it like it’s mean to be played. So damn sexy though.

Dustin Diamond

I don't even think there is anything to say for our next guest. His reputation never fails to precede him. His fame knows no bounds. But his fortune does. So let me present to you a man who you all know, a tv star who had a top rated show for four years, our most celebrated guest yet: DUUUUUUUUUUUSTIIIIIIIIN DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAMOOOOOOOOND... .... ..... uh...... SCREEEEEEEEEEECH...oooooooooh....uh...yeeeeeeaaah?....fuck this

(in two minutes)

by Meast
I heard that he is a loser now. But that's what happens when you're famous for being a loser on a TV show. That's why he never got that girl he liked in Saved by the Bell. The girl that's in How High. Anyway Dustin Diamond is at least better than Carrot Top. I hate Carrot Top.

2 minutes on Dustin Diamond
by DoNoUhOh
Dustin Diamond was the man as screech. He was everyone’s favorite lovable nerd. He was the white steve urkel but he never got to be Stefan. He was so good at what he did he had to keep going to bayside high and working at bayside high. He never got to leave high school. And that is why he is the biggest piece of shit in the entire world. He sucks. It is hard to imagine someone sucking more. Yes, other celebrities are more fucked up then he is but they don’t suck like he does. Then again imagine if you had never left high school? Wouldn’t you have turned out all screwed up and sucky? The answer is yes but not as sucky as good ol Dustin Diamond

2 minutes on Dustin Diamond
by HighTimeForCrime
I guess I’d be pretty screwed up if I was cast as the social retard all my life. But what a fuckin dick this guy is. I guess it’s the only way people will talk about him. Oh and making a porno doesn’t hurt either. He had that jungle fever with Lisa Turtle. She was oh so fine. But I don’t know what’s a stranger name, Lisa Turtle or Lark Voorhies (that how it’s spelled?).

Will Soccer Ever Catch On In The U.S.

We're soccer fans here at Drink Your Tough Juice. Its a badass sport and its how some of us first met. Back in the day when we were 8 years old, wearing jerseys that were five sizes too big, falling down when we kicked the ball and accidentally bighting future roommates. Now we know some boys going pro and what we really want to know is will our superior entourage skills be translated into millions of dollars and lots of hot castoff. Will soccer ever catch on in the US (in two minutes)?

by DoNoUhOh

It is hard to believe that soccer won’t catch on in the US but then again its hard to believe that soccer hasn’t caught on yet. There are many theories as to why related to the lower scoring games, a misunderstanding of the subtleties of the game and a general distaste for a truly international game. However, the US would seem to be the perfect place for soccer simply because it is a global nation. No country better represents the entire world than the United States.

by Meast

(dictated) Soccer. The most popular sport in the world...except in America. Will it ever catch on? My guess is no. My reason? Feet. We Americans only like sports that use hands. The feet are for walking and running. That's why we have to create the word soccer. We already had football. Where we use our hands.

2 minutes on if soccer will ever catch on in the US
by HighTimeForCrime
Soccer is a team sport. The US is an individualist country. That’s at the social level.
Look at the biggest superstars, playing in “team” sports. Lebron James. Michael Vick, may hungry dogs eat his soul.
There’s not enough “action”, enough face value entertainment for soccer to be popular in America.