Queen James

I want to get the benefit of every close call. I want to take as many steps as I want when driving to the hoop. I want to snarl and pound my chest when I get yet another bogus continuation call. I want to grimace every time I'm touched. I want everyone to talk about how great my numbers are despite how bad my teammates are. I want everyone to talk about how much better I make my teammates after talking about how bad my teammates are. I want to be Queen James...not that there's anything wrong with that.

2 minutes on Queen James
by TheNobleSavage
Maybe its his horrific underbite. Or the constant nailbiting. Or maybe its his strange little ogre ears. I cannot stand Queen James. His oh so holier than thou face he puts on when he knows he just got a call because he's the "Annointed One" or when he's gotten away with a horribe travel. No Queen James, I AM NOT A Witness.

2 minutes on Queen James
By HighTimeForCrime
Lebron is never as good as 1) he should be and 2) he thinks he is. He is no doubt a freak of nature, but every time he drives to the hoop and slams it in or sinks a three from the outside, you say “yeah, but that’s what’s supposed to happen.”
He’s too wrapped up in being a global icon to be the best ever. He’s trying to make his name synonymous with a globally recognized brand. But he’ll never be as good as Jordan because he’s not concentrating on basketball as much as he should.

2 minutes on Queen James
By DoNoUhOh

I know he’s beating us but I’m honestly not that impressed with him. I can’t really explain it. I see him getting the big numbers. And he was certainly draining shots at will in game 2. But it doesn’t feel right. I don’t like the way he always has to check his mouth to see if its bleeding. Over and over again checking. You only get three quick looks. No blood? Put your hand down. And I didn’t like how mad he got, like he was legitimately angry to near tears when Haywood fouled him. That was not a flagrant two by the way. Queen he is.

What's Wrong With the Wizards

Down 2-0 to Queen James. It hurts. Its our curse.

2 minutes on What’s Wrong With the Wizards
By DoNoUhOh

Before Game 2 I was extremely confident that the Wizards would prevail. We were so clearly the better team. If only we had made a couple of those open threes in the 4^th quarter it would’ve been a near blowout. And then Game 2 happened. Our heads weren’t in it, like we were afraid that we had talked ourselves into trouble. Swagger gone. Toughness gone. Chemistry gone. And I hate to say it but I think Arenas is a big part of the problem. All of a sudden Caron isn’t quite Caron anymore. He’s wondering if he’s still the man and we need him to still be the man. Arenas just needs to be that sparkplug guy and energy spurt guy.

2 minuts on What's Wrong With the Wizards
by TheNobleSavage

It's Caron. But it's Caron because of Gil. Gilbert's return has completely messed with everyone's head. With him on the floor no one knows what role they're supposed to play. Caron, our go to guy, now seems lost and unsure of himself when Gil is out there. And Gil thinks he actually is an assassin who can shoot from anywhere. Totally throwing everyone and everything off, he's become more selfish since the playoffs started.

2 minutes on what’s wrong with the wizards
By HighTimeForCrime
I dunno, it’s just not adding up. Our bench was supposed to be deep, Jamison and Caron were supposed to do what they do, and Gil was gonna be Super sub.
We have no defense. After looking like we should have won game 1, we didn’t even look like a playoff team in game 2. The worst part was, no one had that look that said they were gonna take charge of the team and will us to victory; who’s gonna step up?

Antawn Jamison

Antawn Jamison looks like the nicest human being in the entire world. He also seems to get hit in the face more than anyone I’ve ever seen before.

He’s proven he can put a team on his back, carrying the offensive workload in Golden State. He’s proven he can come off the bench and be the most productive at that role in the league during his 6th Man of the Year campaign with Dallas. And in Washington he‘s the glue guy, the guy that keeps the team together, doing all the little things no one notices.

His name is also a misspelling in the records. His parents actually did mean to call him Antwan but kept it spelled as it was because they felt it was more unique. But then they kept the pronunciation of Antwan. I don’t think you’re allowed to do that Antawn.

Without further ado: Mr. Consistency (since when was that ever a bad thing?) himself, the team MVP of the Washington Wizards for the 2007-2008 season, our two minutes on Antwan Jamison…I mean Antawn Jamison.


2 minutes on Antawn Jamison
By HighTimeForCrime

Some of the voters will get it right this year in the MVP race. Not many, but some. I’m not talking about the winner. I’m not even talking about the top 3. I’m talking about the 5-10 range. That’s where you should find Antawn Jamison.
He kept our team together as best he could, playing with rookies, undeveloped big men, and streaky scorers , but he had the ultra dependable Deshawn Stevenson who is $$.


2 minutes on Antawn Jamison
By DoNoUhOh

I would choose him as the MVP of the Wizards. I think he contributes more wins than either Caron Butler or a healthy Gilbert Arenas. All this despite the fact that he’s the third fiddle on the team. That’s what makes it so perfect. What kind of a player averages 20 and 10 despite the fact that most of the time he gets the ball at the three point line if its within the flow of the offense. Most of his inside game is about quick tips and rebounds with this long arms and fast hands. He doesn’t even jump. Its incredible what he can do and will continue to do because he has found a way to play that does not rely on athleticism but on superior smarts and intangibles.

Brendan Haywood

Here at Drink Your Tough Juice we refer to him as emmy-award winning Brendan Todd Haywood or just Brendan Todd. This is because he is on our team, he is our hometown guy, only we know that his middle name is Todd. How can you not use a middle name like Todd? We won't find the answer here in two minutes but that won't stop us from talking about our boy Brendan Todd Haywood, Master Center of the Washington Bullets:

2 minutes on Brendan Todd Haywood
by HighTimeForCrime
Brendan Todd is the 2nd best center in the Eastern conference, right behind Dwight Howard. His numbers may look modest, averaging around 11 points and 7 rebounds per game. But there are distinct changes in Brendan this year.
He’s finally toughened up on defense. He defends the rim, he positions himself better to get rebounds, he is quick to the perimeter on defense, something quite underrated for a 7-footer to do, he’s increased his free throw percentage dramatically, and he finally brings the kind of aggression to the table that is necessary to intimidate on the inside.

2 minutes on Brendan Todd Haywood
By DoNoUhOh

In the immortal words of Joe Rogan “He’s not a pussy”. At least not anymore. Ever since he ripped out Etan Thomas’ dreadlocks Brendan Todd has become a man. I guess that’s what beating up a teammate can do for you. Especially if that teammate is a poet with a heart problem. Now Brendan Todd is one of the locker room glue guys, a straight man in a locker room full of goofballs. Most importantly though he’s the second best center in the Least and when he exerts himself he is a potential power.

Kelvin Samspon

Today we take a look at someone some of you may know. His name is Kelvin Sampson, not to be confused with Sampson from Half Baked. He has had an illustrious coaching career since 1979 going from the NAIA to D1 schools Washington State, Oklahoma and Indiana. He has even served as President of the NABC, forming the Ethics Committee during his tenure. A pretty stand up guy. Except for his penchant for violating NCAA rules, operating with no ethics whatsoever in the recruitment of Eric Gordon and being run out of town on two occasions for general sketchiness. So two minutes on that:

2 minutes on Kelvin Sampson
by HighTimeForCrime
Was anyone really surprised that Sampson got fired from Indiana for violating NCAA regulations regarding contact with recruits? In fact…isn’t that the same exact reason Oklahoma let him go.
I think he’s an excellent coach, but you can’t have someone with that kind of shitty character leading a bunch of, not men, but teenagers. College basketball players might look like they’re full grown, but emotionally and mentally, the coaches need to be there to guide them through life as well as the playbook.
How can you expect a man with such a disregard for regulations to be able to guide a group of young men.

Kelvin Sampson

by DoNoUhOh

He is a good example of a total piece of shit. Many college coaches are. Rich Rodriguez is another example. I think he is disgusting. I always hate it when college coaches walk out on their teams. I mean these are people who promised 18 year old kids the world. Yeah its business and the kids know that but do they really know that? When you’re 18 do you really understand that your coach doesn’t actually care about you? And then Rich Rodriguez gets mad when WVU tries to hold him to his contract which stipulated a 4 million dollar buyout? What did he think was gonna happen? He disgusts me. So does Bobby Petrino. So does Kelvin Sampson who I used to like. Its just the corrupt nature of NCAA.

Candace Parker

Candace Parker, women's bball player extraordinaire, the first Candace Parker who will inspires all the nexts and most importantly the only woman's basketball related person who we would ever devote two minutes to:

by DoNoUhOh

Did you see what Candace Parker did today? She dislocated her shoulder. It looked a lot like Dwyane Wade’s dislocation last year. That sucks. In the Elite Eight. That’s heartbreaking. And then she came back into the game. What? For real? What the fuck? That’s just insanity. That’s toughness on another level. Consider my mind boggled. And then she got bumped and it hurt and she had to leave the game again. Oh there ya go. It’s a bad shoulder. She shouldn’t have been out there. Until she came back again to play in the second half with a brace. She made free throws. Crazy.

2 minutes on Candace Parker
by HighTimeForCrime
Candace Parker is hot. I mean she’s like sexy hot. Long and lean, right. She gets down
She’s also pretty sick on the basketball pitch. She’s got like actual basketball moves. Women’s bball is like so damn boxy and rigid. She plays it like it’s mean to be played. So damn sexy though.

Gilbert Arenas' Impending Return

Two minutes on Gilbert Arenas' impending return to the Washington Bullets greatest of all NBA franchises:

Gilbert Arenas is a superstar. I think people are starting to forget how incredible he is when he is healthy. He can do what he wants, when he wants and all in the clutch, except for those pesky free throws against Queen James. That being said I think we should cap his minutes if he returns. Keep him under 20 minutes a game. Use him as a spark plug sixth man to jumpstart a sagging offense. Maybe stick him in there at the end of games where he thrives. All he really wants is to live up to his own legend that he created in his own mind. As long as he gets that last shot he should be happy.

2 minutes on gilbert arenas’s impending return
I think gil would be an incredible addition to the team. Obviously. He is a rare talent in this league. He can drive, shoot, pass when he wants to. Mos tof all, he’s that guy that you want with the ball in the waning seconds of the game. That guy that when he’s dribbling the ball up the court with 7 seconds, the opposing team’s fans are going “fuuuuuuck”.
He is the hibachi man. He fries chicken and shrimp in every city he goes.