What's Wrong With the Wizards

Down 2-0 to Queen James. It hurts. Its our curse.

2 minutes on What’s Wrong With the Wizards
By DoNoUhOh

Before Game 2 I was extremely confident that the Wizards would prevail. We were so clearly the better team. If only we had made a couple of those open threes in the 4^th quarter it would’ve been a near blowout. And then Game 2 happened. Our heads weren’t in it, like we were afraid that we had talked ourselves into trouble. Swagger gone. Toughness gone. Chemistry gone. And I hate to say it but I think Arenas is a big part of the problem. All of a sudden Caron isn’t quite Caron anymore. He’s wondering if he’s still the man and we need him to still be the man. Arenas just needs to be that sparkplug guy and energy spurt guy.

2 minuts on What's Wrong With the Wizards
by TheNobleSavage

It's Caron. But it's Caron because of Gil. Gilbert's return has completely messed with everyone's head. With him on the floor no one knows what role they're supposed to play. Caron, our go to guy, now seems lost and unsure of himself when Gil is out there. And Gil thinks he actually is an assassin who can shoot from anywhere. Totally throwing everyone and everything off, he's become more selfish since the playoffs started.

2 minutes on what’s wrong with the wizards
By HighTimeForCrime
I dunno, it’s just not adding up. Our bench was supposed to be deep, Jamison and Caron were supposed to do what they do, and Gil was gonna be Super sub.
We have no defense. After looking like we should have won game 1, we didn’t even look like a playoff team in game 2. The worst part was, no one had that look that said they were gonna take charge of the team and will us to victory; who’s gonna step up?

Antawn Jamison

Antawn Jamison looks like the nicest human being in the entire world. He also seems to get hit in the face more than anyone I’ve ever seen before.

He’s proven he can put a team on his back, carrying the offensive workload in Golden State. He’s proven he can come off the bench and be the most productive at that role in the league during his 6th Man of the Year campaign with Dallas. And in Washington he‘s the glue guy, the guy that keeps the team together, doing all the little things no one notices.

His name is also a misspelling in the records. His parents actually did mean to call him Antwan but kept it spelled as it was because they felt it was more unique. But then they kept the pronunciation of Antwan. I don’t think you’re allowed to do that Antawn.

Without further ado: Mr. Consistency (since when was that ever a bad thing?) himself, the team MVP of the Washington Wizards for the 2007-2008 season, our two minutes on Antwan Jamison…I mean Antawn Jamison.


2 minutes on Antawn Jamison
By HighTimeForCrime

Some of the voters will get it right this year in the MVP race. Not many, but some. I’m not talking about the winner. I’m not even talking about the top 3. I’m talking about the 5-10 range. That’s where you should find Antawn Jamison.
He kept our team together as best he could, playing with rookies, undeveloped big men, and streaky scorers , but he had the ultra dependable Deshawn Stevenson who is $$.


2 minutes on Antawn Jamison
By DoNoUhOh

I would choose him as the MVP of the Wizards. I think he contributes more wins than either Caron Butler or a healthy Gilbert Arenas. All this despite the fact that he’s the third fiddle on the team. That’s what makes it so perfect. What kind of a player averages 20 and 10 despite the fact that most of the time he gets the ball at the three point line if its within the flow of the offense. Most of his inside game is about quick tips and rebounds with this long arms and fast hands. He doesn’t even jump. Its incredible what he can do and will continue to do because he has found a way to play that does not rely on athleticism but on superior smarts and intangibles.

Deshawn Stevenson

Once upon a time the Washington Wizards had a player by the name of Jared Jefferies who played shooting guard. Once upon a time Wizards fans liked Jared Jefferies despite his offensive limitations because he had good intangibles, hustled and played defense. And then he was replaced by Deshawn Stevenson. A man who actually plays defense. A man who is a wee bit crazy, just right for our other crazy superhero Agent Zero. A man who randomly decided to become a good 3 point shooter in the middle of the season. He is the locksmith.

2 minutes on Deshawn Stevenson
By HighTimeForCrime
Deshawn is finally becoming who Deshawn was meant to be. It just took a little faith by a team, and he would render his marvelous skills night in and night out.

2 minutes on Deshawn Stevenson
By DoNoUhOh

Deshawn has finally become what he was supposed to be out of high school. It is as if he (editors note: that was just five two letter words in a row, I’m stunned) suddenly decided to be good. The best, and craziest, part is that his career year is coming in the first year of his new big contract. As in he’s actually rewarding the team by getting better even after they paid him. I love that. It doesn’t happen often enough. Deshawn also has that all important swagger that can get you through a playoff series. You hear that Lebron? You’re overrated.

Gheorghe Muresan

Notable for his extreme height, Gheorghe Muresan was much more than just a tall man. To those close to him he was known for being far more complex than the gregarious giant he was for the public. He would occasionally enter dark moods and frequently kept to himself, preferring being alone to facing the bright glare of the public eye. Here at Drink Your Tough Juice we will not be able to shed any light whatsoever on the complex sides of Gheorghe Muresan, 7'7" former center for the Washington Bullets.

2 minutes on Gheorge Muresan
By HighTimeForCrime
One of the sweetest moments in my life: 4 years ago I was at Joe’s Pizza and Pasta and I was looking outside to someone ducking under the awning. I was like whoa that’s weird, cuz that’s like 7 feet high. Then I realize it’s Gheorge Muresan. When he walked in I asked for his autograph. He gave it to me but I could tell he didn’t really want attention. Whelp, that’s what happens when you’re the tallest player in NBA history.

2 minutes on Gheorghe Muresan
By DoNoUhOh

He is one of those guys I always felt vaguely sorry for. He just always seemed like more of a spectacle than a basketball player. But I don’t give him enough credit. He was legit good for a little while. It was his feet that betrayed him not a lack of talent. Many a huge man has met the same fate. And as for being a spectacle. Maybe he was that too. He got paid though and paid handsomely. Haven’t heard from him in awhile. I hope he’s doing okay. I hope he’s living back home like a king, living off the fruits of his youthful labors.

How The Wizards Will Make The 2008 NBA Finals

Last night I had a dream that whatever I decreed today would happen. Unfortunately I stayed up really late and slept really late and was kinda busy so I never got to make my decree. Damn ye gods. As a plea to whatever sports god that is out there who decides this sort of thing I present the decree that should have and could have been were it not for my irresponsible sleeping habits (in two minutes):

2 minutes on How the Wizards will make the 2008 NBA Finals
by HighTimeForCrime
First off, we’re 2 games behind the Cavs for the 4th seed, and home court advantage in the first round. Like I’ve said, you gotta go get that. I say the Phone Booth turns into a madhouse if we get full court advantage over the Cavs, facing them for a 3rd straight year.
So we’ll take them, right. Lebron still gets 40 in a few games, they win a couple but we ultimately take the series.
Then it’s our boys the Celtics. And they know we got their number.
I say we face the Pistons or 76ers (don’t count them out, no one knows what the fuck they’re doin) in the Eastern Finals, but you can’t bet against the Wiz in the East.

2 minutes on How the Wizards Will Make the 2008 NBA Finals
By DoNoUhOh

The last time we were this healthy we were the best team in basketball. That was over a year ago. Now we’re healthy again with a new and improved bench, thank you injury curse, and a new and improved crazy amazing sixth man, thank you gilbert arenas for truly being about the winning. You know who is having back problems and has a crappy team anyway? Queen James, our first round opponent. You know who we match up with perfectly and beat three times this season? The Celtics, the best team in the East. So we face the Pistons maybe? I’m sorry but they are not what they once were way back in the day when they actually won something and didn’t just swagger like the

Brendan Haywood

Here at Drink Your Tough Juice we refer to him as emmy-award winning Brendan Todd Haywood or just Brendan Todd. This is because he is on our team, he is our hometown guy, only we know that his middle name is Todd. How can you not use a middle name like Todd? We won't find the answer here in two minutes but that won't stop us from talking about our boy Brendan Todd Haywood, Master Center of the Washington Bullets:

2 minutes on Brendan Todd Haywood
by HighTimeForCrime
Brendan Todd is the 2nd best center in the Eastern conference, right behind Dwight Howard. His numbers may look modest, averaging around 11 points and 7 rebounds per game. But there are distinct changes in Brendan this year.
He’s finally toughened up on defense. He defends the rim, he positions himself better to get rebounds, he is quick to the perimeter on defense, something quite underrated for a 7-footer to do, he’s increased his free throw percentage dramatically, and he finally brings the kind of aggression to the table that is necessary to intimidate on the inside.

2 minutes on Brendan Todd Haywood
By DoNoUhOh

In the immortal words of Joe Rogan “He’s not a pussy”. At least not anymore. Ever since he ripped out Etan Thomas’ dreadlocks Brendan Todd has become a man. I guess that’s what beating up a teammate can do for you. Especially if that teammate is a poet with a heart problem. Now Brendan Todd is one of the locker room glue guys, a straight man in a locker room full of goofballs. Most importantly though he’s the second best center in the Least and when he exerts himself he is a potential power.

Eddie Jordan

Edward Montgomery Jordan was born 53 years ago and has been getting mistaken for Terrence Howard for at least half of those years. We here at Drink Your Tough Juice do not make that mistake. We respect Terrence Howard's acting ability but he's no Eddie Jordan, and that's a fact. To give Eddie his proper non Terrence Howard due we have devoted two minutes to the fearless coach of the Wizards of Washington (that actually has a nicer ring to it than Washington Wizards I think, maybe we should make a bizarro name change like the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim):

2 minutes on Eddie Jordan
by HighTimeForCrime
Now I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I love Eddie Jordan. It’s a DC native coaching the District’s most successful sports franchise (not counting DC United). That’s how it should be. It’s not about the money, and It’s not about the glory of coaching in the game.
The man is at home, the crowd loves him. Aside from that, he’s the longest tenured coach in the Eastern conference. Do you remember a couple years ago when every coach in the Eastern Conference got fired? Not Eddie.

by DoNoUhOH

Eddie Jordan has been something of a savior to the franchise formerly known as the Washington Bullets. He brought us back to the playoffs for the first time in years and we actually won a playoff series for the first time in my living memory. And now we are a consistent playoff threat, although stuck in the second tier in the Leastern Conference. That being said I’ve had my doubts about him. I guess I was getting greedy. I thought our defense was too awful, because apparently he doesn’t know what defense is, and that we weren’t quite as good as we should’ve been. To me that’s a sign of a coaching problem. But this year is different. This year we have overachieved in light of all our injuries. This year I would put him in the talk for coach of the year despite our mediocre record just for making the players believe they could win even in the face mounting injuries.

Alex Ovechkin

Alex Ovechkin is the pride and joy of the Washington Capitals. It's really too bad that nobody cares about hockey anymore. Such is life:

by DoNoUhOh

I gotta admit that I’m not much of a hockey fan. I know what I know from sportscenter and espn.com headlines and that’s about it. I know more players from the NHL in 96 thanks to my favorite video game than I know players from today. But Alex Ovechkin is the man and I want to go see him play. He’s a once in a generation type whose greatness transcends the sport he plays. Sidney Crosby gets more hype but Ovechkin is the 60 goal man. Ovechkin is the human highlight reel of hockey. Just ask that sliding past the goal on your back, use the shaft of your stick, amazing goal from last season.

2 minutes on Alex Ovechkin

by HighTimeForCrime
Ovechkin lives right around the corner and a block down from Jason. He moved in I think our senior year of high school. Since he had just gotten drafted, we knew he prolly didn’t know anyone in town. That was phenomenal too, cuz that’s when we started boozing. We shoulda gotten fucked up with him.

It's Opening Day!

Just got back from Opening Day at the brand new Nationals Park. First of all let me say that Ryan Zimmerman is the man. Thank god for that walk off home run in the bottom of the ninth. It was a bit chilly for extra innings even though the game moved at a good pace. Also I think missing the end of the game was a great punishment for all those fans who left in the 6th and 7th inning of a 2-1 ballgame that was only two hours old. Yeah it was kinda cold but it's opening day at a brand new stadium. You bitches got what you deserved. Although I bet you guys didn't even care you missed it because you aren't even fans. I don't like baseball that much but damn I was kinda embarrassed for the city. I thought maybe the new stadium would energize people and it would be a true home field advantage that doesn't exist in a lot of places anymore. Guess not.

I also can't believe that the fans who did stay started booing when Paul Lo Duca blew the game in the top of the ninth by allowing a passed ball. Booing on opening day? Really? Booing a team that's only been here for three years and who we fought to get? Really? Booing a team that we knew sucked? Booing an honest mistake that wasn't do to a lack of effort? That's fucked up. You can't be turning on your team like that in a time of need. I'm all for booing for a good reason. I'm all for booing the home team when it reaches the point where its okay to hate the home team like what happened with the Orioles and Peter Angelos or what George Shinn did in Charlotte with the Hornets. But we are nowhere near that point yet. So I'll give the fans an D but only because I was there and my sister was there and we weren't being bitches. The stadium looks good, the concessions were way too slow, transportation was easier than advertised and getting out was surprisingly easy (probably thanks to the 10-15 thousand people who left early, at least you were good for something).

I'm a little bitter about the fans but the truth is the game was awesome. It was exciting, interesting, quick and we won. I'm happy I went. I'll even say it was worth missing Stephen Curry challenge Kansas all by his lonesome.

Etan Thomas

A two minute ode to Brendan Todd Haywood's best friend on the Wizards, an award winning poet, an award winning player, and one hell of a good on air time filler EEEEEEEEEETAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN THOOOOOOOOMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! (that's the only introduction he's getting like that this year):

He’s a poet. That’s what every announcer will tell you as he’s knocking people around on the inside. He’s a poet. He’s a published poet. He cares about the world and even interacts with it. And now he’s an open heart surgery survivor and possible come backer. Now he’s a health miracle and a poet. And this will be mentioned forever. He’s also got dreadlocks. And he’s black. And he looks like a poet and a miracle, the mystic to make us feel better. This is not mentioned so much but sometimes it is. But none of this lets me get around the fact that he’s a mediocre player with an awful contract.

2 minutes on Etan Thomas
After having all of his dreads ripped out in practice by Brendan Haywood (the REAL reason for his lengthy absence this year), Etan has taken time off to do the things he’s always wanted.

Why Is Our Blog Called Drink Your Tough Juice

We each have two minutes to explain why our blog is called Drink Your Tough Juice (in our own words):

2 minutes on why this blog is called “drink your tough juice”
Caron is the fucking man. No one else is named tough juice. He’s fucking hard core. And yet, there’s a sensitive side to Caron.

Why is our blog called Drink Your Tough Juice (in your own words)?

Now we can totally come at this from a couple different directions. For one Tough Juice undoubtedly refers to Caron Butler the biggest Badass in the NBA. He might as well change his name to Samuel L. Jackson. That’s how badass he is. In this interpretation the act of drinking your tough juice is a metaphor for being badass. So basically it means be Badass like Caron Butler and Samuel L Jackson.
But why did we choose this bizarre name? Well I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time. And that’s as good as it gets.

Andray Blatche

Here's our two minutes on Andray Blatche, the up and coming high school second rounder for the Washington Wizards:

2 minutes on andray blatche
Andray is really coming on as advertised. The welfare-man’s version of Kevin Garnett, Blache is slowly learning to dominate in aspects of his game.
His ability to block/change shots is among the best in the league. If he played every minute of every game, he’d block about 4 a game. He’s learning to control his body better and score in bunches now.

Andray Blatche is a homeless man’s Kevin Garnett. Well, a homeless Kevin Garnett without all the scary intensity that guarantees his place in the MVP discussion. The homeless Kevin Garnett can block shots, sometimes play great defense, sometimes score a lot, sometimes rebound well and sometimes get arrested for soliciting a prostitute. Blatche isn’t the brightest crayon in the box and there are rumors of horribly mismanaged money incidents but I think he has a future. If he does mature into the true homeless man’s Garnett he could be an important player.

Roger Mason Jr

Here's our two minutes on Roger Mason Jr of the Washington Wizards:

Roger Mason Jr is the lone Wahoo in the NBA. He knows he must succeed for the pride of his University. And so he does. He has turned into a gifted scorer and hardworker on defense. When he is forced to play long minutes he consistently comes up big. I often think of fans for the other team going “Who the fuck is THAT guy?!” when he starts and scores 30 on an array of long 3’s and slashes to the basket. I think we need to seriously entertain the idea that he plays better the longer his minutes and that perhaps he should get a starting chance on occasion.

2minutes on Roger Mason Jr.

ROG DRAINS ANOTHER 3!
Is it me or does Roger Mason Jr just kind of decide from time to tome that he wants to turn it on. And he wants to drill 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 threes in a game. Ya know. Cuz he can.

Injury problems we've had this year have actually really solidified our bench in terms of playing experience. Our bench used to be our weakest aspect. Who remembers when the big 3 was Arenas, Jamison and Hughes, our bench was terrible.