Queen James

I want to get the benefit of every close call. I want to take as many steps as I want when driving to the hoop. I want to snarl and pound my chest when I get yet another bogus continuation call. I want to grimace every time I'm touched. I want everyone to talk about how great my numbers are despite how bad my teammates are. I want everyone to talk about how much better I make my teammates after talking about how bad my teammates are. I want to be Queen James...not that there's anything wrong with that.

2 minutes on Queen James
by TheNobleSavage
Maybe its his horrific underbite. Or the constant nailbiting. Or maybe its his strange little ogre ears. I cannot stand Queen James. His oh so holier than thou face he puts on when he knows he just got a call because he's the "Annointed One" or when he's gotten away with a horribe travel. No Queen James, I AM NOT A Witness.

2 minutes on Queen James
By HighTimeForCrime
Lebron is never as good as 1) he should be and 2) he thinks he is. He is no doubt a freak of nature, but every time he drives to the hoop and slams it in or sinks a three from the outside, you say “yeah, but that’s what’s supposed to happen.”
He’s too wrapped up in being a global icon to be the best ever. He’s trying to make his name synonymous with a globally recognized brand. But he’ll never be as good as Jordan because he’s not concentrating on basketball as much as he should.

2 minutes on Queen James
By DoNoUhOh

I know he’s beating us but I’m honestly not that impressed with him. I can’t really explain it. I see him getting the big numbers. And he was certainly draining shots at will in game 2. But it doesn’t feel right. I don’t like the way he always has to check his mouth to see if its bleeding. Over and over again checking. You only get three quick looks. No blood? Put your hand down. And I didn’t like how mad he got, like he was legitimately angry to near tears when Haywood fouled him. That was not a flagrant two by the way. Queen he is.

Pacman Jones

Pacman Jones belongs in Dallas. Dallas is a safe haven for criminals, degenerates and stereotypical thuggish athletes. They developed Michael Irvin's drug addiction in Dallas. They imported Tank Johnson's guns. They drafted Quincy Carter's coke problem. They took a flier on TO's psychologically decimated brain. And now they are doing their best to trade for Pacman Jones and his problem with breaking every law he knows about.

2 minutes on Pacman Jones
By HighTimeForCrime
There’s not a chance Pacman can survive in Dallas. Each one of those little dots in the original Pacman game is a strip club in downtown Dallas.

2 minutes on Pacman Jones
By DoNoUhOh

All the man did was make it rain. Can you really fault him for that? I mean making it rain is probably the most badass thing you can possibly do. And then all hell broke loose and a guy got shot and it turned out that Pacman Jones is a crime spree. And then we learned that he can’t stay out of trouble even when he’s trying. Makes you wonder. Yeah maybe Pacman is unfairly singled out sometimes like when he got pulled over for not having a license. But still come on its ridiculous. How much bad shit are you doing and getting away with if you are getting caught that often.

Dirk Nowitzki

He is the Germanator. He is really tall. He shoots nasty threes. His ankles are freakishly flexible allowing him to sprain his ankle every other week and give his knee a good twist (kind of gross) every once in awhile without ever missing more than a few games. He is the Germanator, Power Forward for the Dallas Mavericks. Super Hero or Super Zero?

2 minutes on Dirk Nowitzki
By HighTimeForCrime
It’s not that I don’t think he’s good. It’s just that I remember the ‘06 NBA Finals when Dirk’s Mavs were up 2-0 on the Heat and ended up dropping 4 straight games to lose the title.
And I just thought he was so unclutch. Like, anytime in those 4 games would’ve been a good time for Dirk to turn it on. But he missed his opportunity. And trading for Kidd while mortgaging the future was not the answer to Dallas’s problems. Their time has passed.

2 minutes on Dirk Nowitzki
By DoNoUhOh

I’m not gonna call Nowitzki a pansy. At least I don’t think I’m going to. I’m pretty conflicted about Dirk. On the one hand he’s got a pretty decent first name. On the other hand he’s the best player on a team that has pulled massive chokejobs on multiple occasions. On the one hand he’s a unique superstar the likes of which we have never truly seen before. On the other hand he frequently looks like he is going to cry and had to accept his MVP trophy after being upset by a number 8 seed.

Gheorghe Muresan

Notable for his extreme height, Gheorghe Muresan was much more than just a tall man. To those close to him he was known for being far more complex than the gregarious giant he was for the public. He would occasionally enter dark moods and frequently kept to himself, preferring being alone to facing the bright glare of the public eye. Here at Drink Your Tough Juice we will not be able to shed any light whatsoever on the complex sides of Gheorghe Muresan, 7'7" former center for the Washington Bullets.

2 minutes on Gheorge Muresan
By HighTimeForCrime
One of the sweetest moments in my life: 4 years ago I was at Joe’s Pizza and Pasta and I was looking outside to someone ducking under the awning. I was like whoa that’s weird, cuz that’s like 7 feet high. Then I realize it’s Gheorge Muresan. When he walked in I asked for his autograph. He gave it to me but I could tell he didn’t really want attention. Whelp, that’s what happens when you’re the tallest player in NBA history.

2 minutes on Gheorghe Muresan
By DoNoUhOh

He is one of those guys I always felt vaguely sorry for. He just always seemed like more of a spectacle than a basketball player. But I don’t give him enough credit. He was legit good for a little while. It was his feet that betrayed him not a lack of talent. Many a huge man has met the same fate. And as for being a spectacle. Maybe he was that too. He got paid though and paid handsomely. Haven’t heard from him in awhile. I hope he’s doing okay. I hope he’s living back home like a king, living off the fruits of his youthful labors.

Aaron Rodgers

We apologize for our recent absence. It is because HighTimeForCrime had an A Capella concert. But have no fear. We are back. Here to discuss the man behind the man, the myth, the legend, we present our two minutes on Aaron Rodgers:

2 minutes on Aaron Rodgers
By DoNoUhOh

Alas he will remain irrelevant. Brett Favre, horribly overrated and selfish, will hold true to character and refuse to leave the spotlight. Yes, that’s right, Brett Favre will return as the Packers QB. Or more precisely he will hover around the team as the season begins. Aaron Rodgers will do his best to lead the team with Favre leaning over his shoulder. The Green Bay drones will hate Rodgers as Favre laughs maniacally. Eventually there will be massive clamoring for change even as Rodgers does a decent job and Favre will ride in to save the day, seizing the starting job and leading the team to finish at 6-10 with more game killing interceptions than game winning TD’s.

2 minutes on Aaron Rodgers
By Meast

Rodgers will be nothing to nobody. Its like he won't even be a footnote in Packers history. He will b out of the starting QB job in less than three years. A lot like many Chicago and Washington QBs. Rodgers won't do anyhting next season and the Packers will have a losing season.

2 minutes on Aaron Rodgers
By HighTimeForCrime
Aaron Rodgers was drafted into a kind of shitty circumstance in this league. Brett Favre was a huge dick to him, saying that it wasn’t his responsibility or obligation to mentor Rodgers. Fans will not be very forgiving if Rodgers falters, because they are used to having their golden boy behind center.
I think that has probably taken a toll on him, because the qb’s confidence is way more important than his physical capabilities or understanding of the playbook.

Roger Mason Jr

Here's our two minutes on Roger Mason Jr of the Washington Wizards:

Roger Mason Jr is the lone Wahoo in the NBA. He knows he must succeed for the pride of his University. And so he does. He has turned into a gifted scorer and hardworker on defense. When he is forced to play long minutes he consistently comes up big. I often think of fans for the other team going “Who the fuck is THAT guy?!” when he starts and scores 30 on an array of long 3’s and slashes to the basket. I think we need to seriously entertain the idea that he plays better the longer his minutes and that perhaps he should get a starting chance on occasion.

2minutes on Roger Mason Jr.

ROG DRAINS ANOTHER 3!
Is it me or does Roger Mason Jr just kind of decide from time to tome that he wants to turn it on. And he wants to drill 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 threes in a game. Ya know. Cuz he can.

Injury problems we've had this year have actually really solidified our bench in terms of playing experience. Our bench used to be our weakest aspect. Who remembers when the big 3 was Arenas, Jamison and Hughes, our bench was terrible.