Sunday, March 30, 2008

It's Opening Day!

Just got back from Opening Day at the brand new Nationals Park. First of all let me say that Ryan Zimmerman is the man. Thank god for that walk off home run in the bottom of the ninth. It was a bit chilly for extra innings even though the game moved at a good pace. Also I think missing the end of the game was a great punishment for all those fans who left in the 6th and 7th inning of a 2-1 ballgame that was only two hours old. Yeah it was kinda cold but it's opening day at a brand new stadium. You bitches got what you deserved. Although I bet you guys didn't even care you missed it because you aren't even fans. I don't like baseball that much but damn I was kinda embarrassed for the city. I thought maybe the new stadium would energize people and it would be a true home field advantage that doesn't exist in a lot of places anymore. Guess not.

I also can't believe that the fans who did stay started booing when Paul Lo Duca blew the game in the top of the ninth by allowing a passed ball. Booing on opening day? Really? Booing a team that's only been here for three years and who we fought to get? Really? Booing a team that we knew sucked? Booing an honest mistake that wasn't do to a lack of effort? That's fucked up. You can't be turning on your team like that in a time of need. I'm all for booing for a good reason. I'm all for booing the home team when it reaches the point where its okay to hate the home team like what happened with the Orioles and Peter Angelos or what George Shinn did in Charlotte with the Hornets. But we are nowhere near that point yet. So I'll give the fans an D but only because I was there and my sister was there and we weren't being bitches. The stadium looks good, the concessions were way too slow, transportation was easier than advertised and getting out was surprisingly easy (probably thanks to the 10-15 thousand people who left early, at least you were good for something).

I'm a little bitter about the fans but the truth is the game was awesome. It was exciting, interesting, quick and we won. I'm happy I went. I'll even say it was worth missing Stephen Curry challenge Kansas all by his lonesome.

Memphis-Texas First Half

Yet another day without a collaborative two minutes of awesomeness. I'm getting lonely. No worries, we'll be back in normal two minute action tomorrow or Tuesday...or maybe sooner, you never know.

Onward and upward, I will still stay true to limited length of posts:

First of all Memphis looks nasty. They look athletic, long, fast and powerful. Their offense looks fluid and dangerous and their defense has been suffocating. Texas came back at the end of the first half and I wouldn't rule out a close game but I also would not be shocked if a blowout occurred. Its always hard to tell when a team is getting dominated like Texas but makes a late spurt to close the gap. Was that all they had or was that them calming down and figuring out Memphis.

One of the major problems seems to be DJ Augustin's inability to not shoot when he drives. He and Abrams have been missing shots right and left primarily because every shot is contested. Augustin looks quick but his quickness is not taking him anywhere. Derrick Rose is, of course, a formidable opponent but this game may hurt Augustin's draft stock simply because he looks over matched and ineffective. And finally Rick Barnes is a terrible coach, still. He has a lot of talent on his team but they look unprepared and unable to respond to the onslaught from Memphis. Has Barnes ever heard of calling timeout? Why does Texas look surprised when Memphis continually beats them up and down the court? Did they not know they could run?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Stephen Curry, Zak and Prophecies

Stephen Curry has officially become the sweetheart of this year's NCAA tournament . Not since Wally Szcerbiak gave us Wally World back in '99 have we seen something like this. He has scored 103 points in three games. He is easily the best player on his team. He scores nearly 50% of their points. Every team Davidson plays against focuses their entire defensive scheme on stopping him. Yet he continues to dominate. He has dominated all the way to the Elite 8, on the doorstep of joining George Mason as modern day Cinderellas.

Everyone loves him. Including our esteemed writer Zak who said all this a year ago when the pundits were still pronouncing poor old Stephen's name incorrectly. I think Zak pretty much said it all already. No need to update it.
Look for Davidson, 17-1 in conference play this season, to return to the NCAA tourney next year and make some noise, as they’re only losing 2 seniors (who contributed a combined total of 0.5 ppg and 0.5 rbg), and look for Curry to again come up big

Uncanny is all I can really say.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Miley Cyrus

We figured that superduperstar Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana/Made in Disney deserved a couple minutes of our time to discuss our entire knowledge of her life, work and general existence:

2 minutes on Miley Cyrus
by HighTimeForCrime
Alright, so I don’t know a damn thing about Miley Cyrus other than she is Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter and she is apparently huge with pre-teens and teens, and Grady.
But I don’t need to hear anything other than that she’s Billy Ray’s kid, because he sucks. And any alleged spawn of talent of his also sucks. Kid’s tv today sucks. 90’s tv WAS the shit.

by DoNoUhOh

I just do not get it. Maybe this is me getting old. I’ve watched 30 seconds of Hannah Montana and was like what the fuck is this. It was like the actors were all hopped up on Ritalin. I guess that’s why the kids love it. They can relate to that shit. The schizophrenia is also very relatable. She’s Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana. Once you hit it big aren’t you supposed to choose your permanent identity? Isn’t this what all famous biopics are about? The conflict between personas and how the rich asshole always wins but then the sensitive small time artist makes a comeback? What’s the deal with Miley Cyrus on this? But she’s a multimillionaire.

Etan Thomas

A two minute ode to Brendan Todd Haywood's best friend on the Wizards, an award winning poet, an award winning player, and one hell of a good on air time filler EEEEEEEEEETAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN THOOOOOOOOMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! (that's the only introduction he's getting like that this year):

He’s a poet. That’s what every announcer will tell you as he’s knocking people around on the inside. He’s a poet. He’s a published poet. He cares about the world and even interacts with it. And now he’s an open heart surgery survivor and possible come backer. Now he’s a health miracle and a poet. And this will be mentioned forever. He’s also got dreadlocks. And he’s black. And he looks like a poet and a miracle, the mystic to make us feel better. This is not mentioned so much but sometimes it is. But none of this lets me get around the fact that he’s a mediocre player with an awful contract.

2 minutes on Etan Thomas
After having all of his dreads ripped out in practice by Brendan Haywood (the REAL reason for his lengthy absence this year), Etan has taken time off to do the things he’s always wanted.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

George Gelnovatch

2 minutes on the ever notorious George Gelnovatch, head coach of soccer at the University of Virginia:

George Gelnovatch is the worst coach in the entire world. He ruins careers and ruins seasons. It is unclear whether or not he is evil although those in the know feel he isn’t. He is simply stupid and selfish. Not a great combo. He thinks about himself before the boys he’s supposed to be leading and teaching. He takes a beautiful game and turns it into something it was never meant to be. He is a travesty, a disappointment, a piece of shit. And he is nearly all powerful in the lives of those he rules. There is no justice.

2 minutes on George Gelnovatch
George. Is an idiot. He inherits arguably the most storied college soccer franchise of the early 90’s, and all he has to show for it is 2 NCAA final four appearances- well one of those was the year after Bruce Arena left, so they were still very much his players.
Speaking of which, I saw Bruce at the gym the other day. Didn’t say anything. I don’t think he knows me.

Why Is Our Blog Called Drink Your Tough Juice

We each have two minutes to explain why our blog is called Drink Your Tough Juice (in our own words):

2 minutes on why this blog is called “drink your tough juice”
Caron is the fucking man. No one else is named tough juice. He’s fucking hard core. And yet, there’s a sensitive side to Caron.

Why is our blog called Drink Your Tough Juice (in your own words)?

Now we can totally come at this from a couple different directions. For one Tough Juice undoubtedly refers to Caron Butler the biggest Badass in the NBA. He might as well change his name to Samuel L. Jackson. That’s how badass he is. In this interpretation the act of drinking your tough juice is a metaphor for being badass. So basically it means be Badass like Caron Butler and Samuel L Jackson.
But why did we choose this bizarre name? Well I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time. And that’s as good as it gets.

Andray Blatche

Here's our two minutes on Andray Blatche, the up and coming high school second rounder for the Washington Wizards:

2 minutes on andray blatche
Andray is really coming on as advertised. The welfare-man’s version of Kevin Garnett, Blache is slowly learning to dominate in aspects of his game.
His ability to block/change shots is among the best in the league. If he played every minute of every game, he’d block about 4 a game. He’s learning to control his body better and score in bunches now.

Andray Blatche is a homeless man’s Kevin Garnett. Well, a homeless Kevin Garnett without all the scary intensity that guarantees his place in the MVP discussion. The homeless Kevin Garnett can block shots, sometimes play great defense, sometimes score a lot, sometimes rebound well and sometimes get arrested for soliciting a prostitute. Blatche isn’t the brightest crayon in the box and there are rumors of horribly mismanaged money incidents but I think he has a future. If he does mature into the true homeless man’s Garnett he could be an important player.

Roger Mason Jr

Here's our two minutes on Roger Mason Jr of the Washington Wizards:

Roger Mason Jr is the lone Wahoo in the NBA. He knows he must succeed for the pride of his University. And so he does. He has turned into a gifted scorer and hardworker on defense. When he is forced to play long minutes he consistently comes up big. I often think of fans for the other team going “Who the fuck is THAT guy?!” when he starts and scores 30 on an array of long 3’s and slashes to the basket. I think we need to seriously entertain the idea that he plays better the longer his minutes and that perhaps he should get a starting chance on occasion.

2minutes on Roger Mason Jr.

Is it me or does Roger Mason Jr just kind of decide from time to tome that he wants to turn it on. And he wants to drill 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 threes in a game. Ya know. Cuz he can.

Injury problems we've had this year have actually really solidified our bench in terms of playing experience. Our bench used to be our weakest aspect. Who remembers when the big 3 was Arenas, Jamison and Hughes, our bench was terrible.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Gilbert Arenas' Impending Return

Two minutes on Gilbert Arenas' impending return to the Washington Bullets greatest of all NBA franchises:

Gilbert Arenas is a superstar. I think people are starting to forget how incredible he is when he is healthy. He can do what he wants, when he wants and all in the clutch, except for those pesky free throws against Queen James. That being said I think we should cap his minutes if he returns. Keep him under 20 minutes a game. Use him as a spark plug sixth man to jumpstart a sagging offense. Maybe stick him in there at the end of games where he thrives. All he really wants is to live up to his own legend that he created in his own mind. As long as he gets that last shot he should be happy.

2 minutes on gilbert arenas’s impending return
I think gil would be an incredible addition to the team. Obviously. He is a rare talent in this league. He can drive, shoot, pass when he wants to. Mos tof all, he’s that guy that you want with the ball in the waning seconds of the game. That guy that when he’s dribbling the ball up the court with 7 seconds, the opposing team’s fans are going “fuuuuuuck”.
He is the hibachi man. He fries chicken and shrimp in every city he goes.

Monday, March 24, 2008

David Carr

Here's our two minutes on the much esteemed National Football League Quarterback David Carr (We can't call him an All-Pro or a Pro Bowler or really anything at all because, well, he's not any of those things):

2 minutes on David Carr
By HighTimeForCrime
David Carr. What a dude. Apparently this Fresno State product and California native’s laid back approach, calling people “bra’” (some people not in-the-know just object to being called women’s undergarments) and brushing cares off.
Can he really be affording to brush things off? He’s terrible. He’s gotten sacke d amillion times. No psyche.

By DoNoUhOh

David Carr is pretty terrible. It used to be that we thought it was because he got sacked 76 times his rookie season. Maybe that is still the problem. Getting hit that many times changes a man. But even with good protection he is terrible. Matt Schaub showed exactly how bad Carr is by turning the Texans into playoff contenders. Of course Schaub ended up hurt and Rosenfels got roughed up too so maybe it is the pass protection that is the problem. Maybe Schaub will never be what he was this year. Maybe he is the new David Carr.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Free Tetris

Our two minutes on Free Tetris:

Free Tetris is the greatest of all old school online arcade games. It brings the Gameboy, every small boy's dream come true, back into our lives. Remember the glory of the Gameboy? You could play video games anywhere. How awesome was that?

[dictated] Free Tetris fuck that wannabe bitch Free Tetris. I fucking hate that cat. He's all trying to say to you motherfuckas that he's spittin game. But he can't do fucking shit in a bar fight with me and my crew. I heard tht bitch go tittyfucked on the roof of the quarterback's car. Slut turned around and took it up the ass , given away bricks for free. Fuck that bitch free tetris.

Free tetris is a throwback to the old days. Where gameboy would be as much fun as the battery would last. Tetris was the most classic game of them all. The music was phat. The pieces, they would haunt your dreams. You’d spend hours thinking about the 4-squared combinations and how they fit in.
The game is just as challenging as ever. I Salute you tetris.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

It's That Easy to Have a Blog?

Keep in mind that the following was dictated to a typist. Both the typist and the dictator were operating without the safety net that many call sobriety. It is there where their art is formed and molded. It is here where their art is set free for all to see:

When we blog together we should like sit down or something and then have a topic and be like ready set go and you have two minutes to type on that topic and we take turns and or do verses which is badass and we’d write cool shit

And thus we are sitting here at this computer listening to a friend of ours rant and ramble about something and my right finger is feeling hard to control and we may have sweet sound effects in the near future.

Thank you for visiting Drink Your Tough Juice. For the first time? Probably. For the last time? Hopefully not.